There’s a crime wave in the city next to my hometown - not an ordinary crime wave, mind you. This one is different.
Yesterday’s Breaking News was about serial snake snatchers loose in the area - relieving pet stores of really repulsive reptiles. They entered the stores, spotted the prizes and, lickety split, the slithery things were hidden under their shirts, wrapped around their necks, concealed in a pocket. Then out the door they went.
Today’s Breaking News is that over 300 bras have been hijacked by bra bandits from Victoria’s Secret at the local mall. I am not kidding! What would you do with 300 bras, pray tell? Is there a demand for those uplifting utensils on the black market?
In Other News of the Area is the man in southern Illinois who reported to the police that a number of items had been taken from his home. Oh, and by the way, those stolen items included his stash of marijuana, the possession of which is illegal in Illinois. The victim swore the weed was for pain management, of course. No word on whether he recovered his possessions.
I can hardly wait to see what Tomorrow’s Breaking News will be!