Strange Name Syndrome

Don’t you just wonder what new parents were thinking when they named their children? Common names like John or Mary are not good enough for our offspring. Oh no, we have to choose a “special” name. Maybe the name of a favorite race car driver or favorite rock ‘n roll singer would work. Or how about choosing a name that describes the scenery on the day the child was born?

Does it ever enter their minds that choosing a strange name might cause irreparable harm? Who in their right mind would slap a name like Misty Sky or Chantilly Lace on an itty bitty baby girl? How about Dale Earnhardt or Elvis Presley for that favorite male child? Can’t you just imagine this scenario when those children are all grown up: “Mom, Dad, meet my teacher, Miss Chantilly Lace Jones.” Or how about this: “Mr. Smith, your surgeon for this procedure will be Elvis Presley Martin and he will be assisted by Dale Earnhardt Wilson” Now, really! Want to guarantee mucho headaches for your child? Give them a moniker to make most folks snicker!

I have to admit, though, that I’m almost as guilty as everyone else. Long before our Number One Child was born, her father and I discussed names suitable for the extraordinary person she was bound to be. Deciding that no common name was good enough, we were determined to create a name just for her. There were several Katherines in his family so we decided on a variation of this name. Well, I guess it is more like a variation of a nickname for Katherine. That’s how we came up with the name McKayla. Pronounced Ma-kay-la. Little did we dream that thirty years later every fifth girl child between Maine and Memphis would carry this same name, but spelled a variety of ways. So much for our creativity!

This Number One Child, who is all grown up now and teaches in a large southern city, once had a student named Unique. Unique! What sane parent would chose a name like that for their child. It seems to me this is a name that belongs on a can of furniture polish! She also had a student named Swantashia. Unreal!

Celebrities are also prone to the Strange Name Syndrome. Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin’s child is named Apple. Why not Orange or Banana? Each is equally dumb and that poor child is going to be harassed forever. I do like the names carried by the twin children of Julia Roberts and Daniel Moder: Phennaeus and Hazel. Positively regal names, they are. (snicker, snicker!) George Foreman was very original in naming his offspring. He had ten children - five girls and five boys and, yes, all five boys are named George. And I worried about McKayla!